Monday, June 14, 2010

Things That Go Bump in the Night

Last night, I was awakened unexpectedly at 4AM by a *noise* of unknown origin.

You probably know what I'm talking about. You're in the depth of a dead sleep, in the middle of a dream, when something makes you suddenly open your eyes. Heart pounding and eyes wide open, you listen for a sound that could have been the cause, and you hear nothing but the dead silence of the middle of the night.

Then comes the paranoia. Did I hear something, or was I dreaming? Surely it was just a dream. But what if it wasn't? What if someone is sneaking up the stairs to murder us in our beds. No - the doors are all locked. No way in. Wait... did I lock the back door last night? I can't remember if I locked the back door...

Luckily, when you're married with a doggie, there is at least one person to share in your paranoid delusions!

ME: {Tiptoes to John's side of the bed} John?
JOHN: Mrrmmph?
ME: Um, I think I heard a noise.
JOHN: {Now awake} Are you sure?
ME: Um, no. But I can't sleep now because I'm paranoid.
JOHN: OK, we can check it out if you want.
MIYAGI: {Head pops out of doggie blanket} What's going on?
ME: Nothing. I think I heard a noise. Get back in your doggie bed. We're going to check it out.
MIYAGI: No way, I'm going with you.

So our little family sneaks Scooby-Doo style down the hall and stairs to check out any potential bad guys who may be out there. (Now what we would actually do when confronting a bad guy is a mystery. We don't even have a baseball bat in hand. I guess we would use our "vicious" dog to threaten them.)

Anyway, sure enough, I *did* leave the back door unlocked. AND the porch door. So we then had to check all the rooms for bad guys hiding in closets and so forth. Miyagi thought it was one big adventure.

MIYAGI: {Immediately goes to food dish to see if it's meal time} Where's my breakfast?
JOHN: Miyagi, there's no food in there for you. It's the middle of the night.
MIYAGI: {Manages to look offended} Why are we all here again?

And later...

MIYAGI: {Races down the bottom stairs in excitement as if he is going outside} Yay!
ME: Miyagi, no! We have to make sure there are no bad guys first. We're not going outside. This is serious.
MIYAGI: Oh, well... can I still have a treat?
ME: No, I don't have any treats, buddy.
MIYAGI: Fine. But I plan to poop on the floor later as retaliation for this.

We never found any bad guys, thankfully. But it took me a looooooong time to go back to sleep. And I will definitely be more vigilant about door-locking. My dear husband didn't even complain a bit about my little nocturnal paranoia, making him king of spouses, as usual.

And so it goes...

Thursday, June 3, 2010

The Dog Won't Poop... and Other Interesting Dog Updates

Many of you may know that we rescued a dachshund called Miyagi in February. Since then, we have had many doggie adventures. Little Miyagi has become part of our family. But our little angel has had some issues lately.

First of all, he won't poop. When we're in the biggest hurry, he'll walk outside and just lie down in the grass and stare at us. It's really annoying, especially when it's his last chance for a while. Then of course, we come home to find poop on the floor.

ME: Arrgh! John, there's poop on the floor!
JOHN: Miyagi! Why did you poop on the floor?!
MIYAGI: I had to poop, so I pooped on the floor.
JOHN: Why can't you go when we take you outside?
MIYAGI: I dunno. I like the carpet. No bugs.

Secondly, he has some... boundary issues.

ME: Doggie, stop licking my feet.
MIYAGI: Why? I like to lick your feet. They're salty.
ME: Well, I'm not really comfortable with that level of affection.
MIYAGI: *Sigh* Fine. Can I have a squeaky toy?

And finally, he likes to "bury" things inside. It's so cute - he'll stuff his bones into the couch cushions and then use his nose to move pretend dirt over the spot. I'm posting a picture of the dog following a bone burial in the cushion (note the little doggie steps next to the cushion)!

The problem is that we can't give him bones without finding them in the bone graveyard (couch) later. He never actually eats them.

We're headed to Charleston tomorrow after we drop off Doggie at his grandparents' house. He gets to spend the weekend in the country. I'm not sure if I'll be able to post anything for List Day tomorrow, but I'll do my best.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Flank Organ Pain

Last night we enjoyed Friday on a Tuesday - that is, dinner at our favorite restaurant and karaoke + beers at a new place. We had a blast! (And the best part was not having to worry about WORK today!)

Unfortunately, throughout the night I had a mysterious pain in my side. My two physician dinner companions confirmed the location as either my colon or my ovary (which I think is a really wide error of margin, but anyway). As a layperson, I would like to take the liberty of *stealing* a brilliant term I think describes any side pain you've got: "flank organ." A flank organ is any mysterious internal body part in your mid-section. Like it? Use it. People will thank you!

So the "flank organ" pain escalated to intolerable by the time we got home. John dosed me with big-daddy pain killers and I eventually fell asleep. Oh, the dreams I had! It was like a song sequence from a 70's Scooby Doo cartoon. The next time I opened my eyes, it was this afternoon at 1PM. Yowser! My flank organ no longer hurts, by the way. However, I *may* or may not have left my house sometime in the night in my underwear and bought a cherry slushie. Not sure.