Things That Go Bump in the Night

Last night, I was awakened unexpectedly at 4AM by a *noise* of unknown origin.

You probably know what I'm talking about. You're in the depth of a dead sleep, in the middle of a dream, when something makes you suddenly open your eyes. Heart pounding and eyes wide open, you listen for a sound that could have been the cause, and you hear nothing but the dead silence of the middle of the night.

Then comes the paranoia. Did I hear something, or was I dreaming? Surely it was just a dream. But what if it wasn't? What if someone is sneaking up the stairs to murder us in our beds. No - the doors are all locked. No way in. Wait... did I lock the back door last night? I can't remember if I locked the back door...

Luckily, when you're married with a doggie, there is at least one person to share in your paranoid delusions!

ME: {Tiptoes to John's side of the bed} John?

JOHN: Mrrmmph?

ME: Um, I think I heard a noise.

JOHN: {Now awake} Are you sure?

ME: Um, no. But I can't sleep now because I'm paranoid.

JOHN: OK, we can check it out if you want.

MIYAGI: {Head pops out of doggie blanket} What's going on?

ME: Nothing. I think I heard a noise. Get back in your doggie bed. We're going to check it out.

MIYAGI: No way, I'm going with you.

So our little family sneaks Scooby-Doo style down the hall and stairs to check out any potential bad guys who may be out there. (Now what we would actually do when confronting a bad guy is a mystery. We don't even have a baseball bat in hand. I guess we would use our "vicious" dog to threaten them.)

Anyway, sure enough, I *did* leave the back door unlocked. AND the porch door. So we then had to check all the rooms for bad guys hiding in closets and so forth. Miyagi thought it was one big adventure.

MIYAGI: {Immediately goes to food dish to see if it's meal time} Where's my breakfast?

JOHN: Miyagi, there's no food in there for you. It's the middle of the night.

MIYAGI: {Manages to look offended} Why are we all here again?

And later...

MIYAGI: {Races down the bottom stairs in excitement as if he is going outside} Yay!

ME: Miyagi, no! We have to make sure there are no bad guys first. We're not going outside. This is serious.

MIYAGI: Oh, well... can I still have a treat?

ME: No, I don't have any treats, buddy.

MIYAGI: Fine. But I plan to poop on the floor later as retaliation for this.

We never found any bad guys, thankfully. But it took me a looooooong time to go back to sleep. And I will definitely be more vigilant about door-locking. My dear husband didn't even complain a bit about my little nocturnal paranoia, making him king of spouses, as usual.

And so it goes...