The Dentist Always Knows

I have no health insurance. We (John) forgot to sign me up for it last week before mine ran out at work. Don't worry, he's working on it now. Anyway, the last two times I was between insurance, I had something terrible happen to me that required an ER visit. Once I had a horrible allergic reaction, and the other time was a concussion. I actually knocked myself out on a wall. (Long story for another day.)

So anyway, I had a dentist appointment today at noon (for which I got to "self-pay"). All my days of staying up late and not sleeping in enough must have caught up with me because I woke up at 11:50! Yikes. For me, being late to an appointment feels just short of committing a mortal sin. I HATE TO BE LATE. Now, those of you who know me know that I am not a morning person, and starting my day at 10AM is not unusual. However, if I am scheduled to be somewhere at a certain time, it's unusual for me to be late.

Waking up late is the worst kind of late. I woke up feeling just fabulous (after 12 hours of sleep), but that ended as soon as I picked up my phone and saw the time. OH CRAP! The next 20 minutes were a blur. I somehow made it out of the house in 2 minutes (fully clothed) and drove like a crazy person all the way to the dentist office, and somehow made it there only 10 minutes late.

Unfortunately, I didn't have time to do the pre-dentist visit floss. Because, let's face it: nobody flosses every day (even my husband, who is a son and brother of dentists). So we think we can fool our dentists by flossing once really thoroughly to make up for the last 6 months.

DENTIST: Are you flossing regularly? {looks skeptical}

ME: Um... {tries to think of passable lie}

DENTIST: You should really floss regularly. {silently judges me}

ME: Er... {hangs head in shame}

DENTIST: I'm going to give you FREE DENTAL FLOSS in this little baggie. Take it home and use it every day. {knows I won't}

ME: Okay. {vows that THIS time it will be different}

Come on, who are we kidding? They know. They always know.

Racecar Neighbors

I read a whole novel last night. I love finding a new author (Laura Kinsale). Unfortunately I have an obsessive reading personality. If I really love a book, I won't put it down until I'm finished. I was up til 4AM with this one. I thought it would be fine since I could theoretically sleep in today.

I say "theoretically" because we have these horrible neighbors who own a racecar. Seriously - it's an actual racecar. They like to rev the engine at all hours of the day and night, including 9 in the morning when some people are trying to sleep off a night of obsessive reading.

This morning I snuck the dog into the bed after John went to work at 7AM. (Don't tell.) And we're both minding our own business, snoozing away, when suddenly a sound louder than thunder comes booming from everywhere. (Have you ever heard a racecar engine?) The dog, who never barks, leaps from under the covers in a fit of YIPE YIPE YIPE! The combination of both send me practically into a coronary event.

I've been awake since, watching bad daytime TV and having conversations with my doggie, who is still looking suspiciously next door at the bad racecar people, who are still revving their engine every so often. By the way, when did they replace Bob Barker on The Price is Right??

MIYAGI: Why do you look so tired?

ME: I stayed up too late reading and now I can't sleep any longer because of our awful racecar neighbors.

MIYAGI: You need a shower.

ME: Don't judge me - I'm unemployed now and I can NOT shower if I want to.

MIYAGI: Fine. I won't judge you, but can I have a new squeaky toy?

ME: I gave you like three of them yesterday.

MIYAGI: I know, but I already de-squeaked those and they are therefore dead to me. Can I have another one??

ME: *sigh* FINE. Here you go.

And now I've got the sounds of the racecar, The Price is Right, and a squeaky toy.

The End of Gainful Employment

Friday was my last day of work. I am still not sure how I feel about that. I think I thought I'd be thrilled to have a whole summer off and be a "Lady of Leisure" before I start school in August, but so far it feels just like a regular weekend...

EXCEPT, all weekend I've had a desperate desire to make myself do nothing productive just to prove that I don't have to cram all my housework into Saturday and Sunday. So my house looks like a meth lab... dishes, food, gutted dog toys, 4 days of mail, shoes, STUFF everywhere! I fight the urge to clean just so I can wake up on Monday and have something important to do.

In lieu of cleaning and laundry, I've played Pikmin for approximately 18 hours out of the last 48. I have blisters on my thumbs! What?! You've never heard of it? Pikmin is the most brilliant video game ever. I'll try with my limited blogger skills to post a picture, because I feel it is critical that you understand. To understand Pikmin is to understand the meaning of life.

Since John has been working all weekend, it's just been me and our longdog Miyagi. He alternates between using his special little wiener dog steps to see what's happening in the big chair and chewing on his new squeaky toy for hours at a time. Sometimes I imagine that he and I have little conversations:

MIYAGI: Hey, what are you doing up here in the big chair?

ME: I'm playing Pikmin.

MIYAGI: Well I'm going to walk all over your lap and try to kiss your face while you try to kill that bad guy, and then I'm going to go squeak my toy for a while, OK?

And so it goes...