Monday, May 31, 2010

Dream John is a Jerk

First, let me preface this blog by saying I LOVE MY HUSBAND. He is a wonderful, sweet, funny, talented man who is the perfect match for me. OK, now that we've established that...

DREAM JOHN IS A BIG JERK.

This morning, I awoke from a horrible dream in which Dream John wanted to divorce me. I can't exactly remember why (in the way of dreams) but everything was perfectly fine and then he suddenly wanted me to move out. So I had to leave with the clothes on my back. Then somehow I bought a motorcycle and there was a yellow Pikmin with me. (Obviously too much Pikmin playing these days.) And then I woke up. Thus begins this morning's conversation:

ME: Arrrrrrgh! {Leaps off the pillow.}
JOHN: Good morning, baby gator. {That's what we call each other... I know, TMI.}
ME: You're a big jerk! {Hair sticking up and heart pounding.}
JOHN: What?! What did I do? I just woke up! {Hair also sticking up and blind without glasses.}
ME: You wanted to divorce me!
JOHN: No I didn't. I like being married to you. Why would I divorce you?
ME: Because you're so mean... I had to leave the house and the yellow Pikmin was following me, and then I bought a motorcycle, but I don't know where I thought I was going. {Still half-asleep and unreasonable.}
JOHN: Maybe you've been playing too many video games. You realize that was just a *dream* right? {Trying to be reasonable with half-asleep unreasonable girl.}
ME: Yeah, but Dream John is a jerk.

We've actually already established this before. Dream John is always a meanie. He's kissed other women in front of me, drugged me, and taken away my convertible (that was the worst). It usually takes me about a full day to get over it. And Real John has to suffer for his alter ego's dream world misdemeanors. I am about done sulking, though, now that it's 8PM.

Tonight I made the BEST mac and cheese ever. AND peanut butter cookies (all from scratch). The nicest part about not working is having time to cook and bake. And John is a willing taste-tester. So I made up for my anger at Dream John by feeding Real John delicious goodies today.

I never know how to end these blogs. I feel like I should have some clever parting comment. That's all for now...

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